All Things Lesbian

Surviving the Holidays With Homophobic Relatives

People all over the world look forward to the holidays and getting together with family and friends to celebrate together. Lesbian couples are certainly no different. We decorate, shop for gifts, plan family dinners and parties just like everyone else.

Unfortunately, in some families there may exist a certain amount of tension during these gatherings due to how some family members may feel about gay or lesbian relationships. Whether it be due to their upbringing, religious beliefs, or for whatever other reason, the unfortunate fact is that there are still many homophobic people in this world.

Therefore, if the love of your life happens to be a woman instead of a man, it may be challenging in some ways but you can actually make it through the holidays by preparing ahead of time. It’s especially important that you keep this tension to a minimum if you have children. They should not be allowed to be exposed to and damaged by the ignorance of others.

So… How do you still enjoy the holidays with your family when they so clearly don’t approve of the very thing that’s made you happier than you’ve ever been in your life?

There’s no easy answer to this question. However, there are some things that you can try to do to ease some of this tension. You need to put these into practice ahead of time so the stage is set by the time everyone is gathered at your home. This way, there will be no surprises and everyone understands upfront how things will work.

First of all, make note of all the people on either side of your families that have any issues with your relationship. It doesn’t matter who they are or how they’re related to you and your partner. If they have a problem with your relationship, seriously consider taking them off the guest list completely.

There’s no need to invite difficulty into your home when you’re trying to enjoy a happy time of the year. Granted, this could be a difficult choice for you if it’s a parent or grandparent that objects to your relationship. But, as sad as that is, think about how the gathering could potentially be affected by rude comments or unnecessary negativity coming from this person throughout the entire event.

Suppose one side of the family objects to your relationship and the other one does not. You can choose to have only the accepting family attend a holiday gathering at your home.

It’s also possible for just one of you to spend some time with the side of the family that objects, but that’s sending the wrong message. If you’re a couple, then you want to present a united front telling everyone that if they can’t accept you as a couple, then they better not be planning on your participation in these family events.

The bottom line is that obviously, if there’s an issue of disapproval, you’ll want to keep that out of your holiday celebrations. No matter what others may think or feel, your relationship is just as valid as everyone else’s and you both deserve to be respected and to be free to build lasting and happy holiday memories. It may come down to making some hard decisions to enable this, but you’ll feel better in the long run.

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